OK, so famous people are all around you when you live in LA.
I'm erect, why aren't you erect?
That woman who just interviewed you for a job? She had a small role in the movie Showgirls and has done porn. (She eventually wrote my law school recommendation letter. I've masturbated to her scenes many times. Is that weird that I masturbate to the woman that wrote my recommendation letter?).
I didn't lead them my lord, we thought you did
I'm erect, why aren't you erect?
That woman who just interviewed you for a job? She had a small role in the movie Showgirls and has done porn. (She eventually wrote my law school recommendation letter. I've masturbated to her scenes many times. Is that weird that I masturbate to the woman that wrote my recommendation letter?).
I didn't lead them my lord, we thought you did
That guy you just did shots with who knows your buddy? He will be super famous in 4 years and be an A-list celebrity. His name is Garrett Hedlund. When I met him he had just played Brad Pitts cousin Patroclus in the movie Troy. Every time I was with him I would call him Patroclus, so my buddy stopped bringing me around. Like I said before (see Urkel blog), I'm not good at celebrity encounters in normal situations.
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
The black girl who works with you in casting? That is Diana Ross’s daughter (we were gonna hook up one night, but instead I went home with the lesbian who worked as a writer on the show. We went back to her place, I couldn't get an erection, and when I saw her at work the next day we high fived).
Ain't No Mountain High Enough
The black girl who works with you in casting? That is Diana Ross’s daughter (we were gonna hook up one night, but instead I went home with the lesbian who worked as a writer on the show. We went back to her place, I couldn't get an erection, and when I saw her at work the next day we high fived).
Stifler's Mom
The
guy next to you in line at the sub shop? That is Chris Klein. You just saw him
get punked by Aston Kutcher the night before and he is all over the tabloids
because his ex-girlfriend (Katie Holmes) is now dating Tom Cruise. He is
with some hot chick and if you take his picture some gossip site would probably
pay you $10 grand because he’s in the news all the time on what he thinks of
Katie dating Tom. Do you take a picture or make small talk? I made small
talk about the Italian subs.
Eiffel Tower
The blond chick buying shoes next to you? That is Paris Hilton, who is with E from Entourage because he is dating her sister (I had three encounters with Paris). E and you are sitting next to each other waiting for your shoe sizes to be brought out. He is a size 8 and is super small in person.
Eiffel Tower
The blond chick buying shoes next to you? That is Paris Hilton, who is with E from Entourage because he is dating her sister (I had three encounters with Paris). E and you are sitting next to each other waiting for your shoe sizes to be brought out. He is a size 8 and is super small in person.
The Usual Suspects
The
guy sitting next to you at a shithole strip club? That is Benecio Del Torro (do
not buy him a lap dance).
The
old guy living in the huge beach house next to you? That is Donald
Sutherland. Do you know how weird it is to watch the show 24 on a TV and
ten feet from the window is Keither Sutherlands dad? I do.
The
guy smoking weed on the porch with your new neighbor? That is Paul
Walker.
The
douchebaggy guy who is trying to bring the girl you are talking to into a VIP
section? He is a pretty big agent but really short and obnoxious.
The
guy next to you in the bathroom line? That is Bob Saget.
The awkward guy behind you at a dive bar? He was on Real World. (Reality show people are everywhere in LA, that’s another blog)
The awkward guy behind you at a dive bar? He was on Real World. (Reality show people are everywhere in LA, that’s another blog)
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